wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
