good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
