You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
