whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
