the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
