Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
