don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
