i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
