i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
