508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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