you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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