I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
