Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
