I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
