More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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