you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
