I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
