What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
