I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
