how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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