xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
