I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
3pm strippers are depressing
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
