Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize