can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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