She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
