Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
