I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
