oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My feet surprised me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
