She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
wow bdsm is so cute
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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