I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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