That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
