It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
this beer tastes like vomit already
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize