Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
