You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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