grandma shit on top of the toilet
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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