I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
