With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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