At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize