yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
