if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
