good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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