how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
