My first STD was from a foam party
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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