3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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