Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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