I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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