all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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