how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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