hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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