Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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