Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
