A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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