Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
