Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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