Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
