Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
