it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
