I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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