i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
