the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize