Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
