How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Vodka?
Forever.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
