Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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