The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
