I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
