i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
